Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Dear Sprint Corporation

Thank you, Sprint Corporation, for selling me a new LG Rumor Touch(tm) cell phone. Thank you for letting me purchase it over your website, and thanks also for not making me pay the full $279 (plus shipping and tax) suggested retail price for it. The phone is quite fine in appearance and I look forward to using all the features, including "a touch screen and a full, sliding QWERTY keyboard and access to the most dependable 3G network, mobile e-mail, Web browsing and social networking." It will be really, really, really cool as soon as you guys figure out how to transfer my service from my current phone to this new LG Rumor Touch(tm).

For the low standards of customer service you have, and for the hours of my time wasted talking to your customer service representatives, I most emphatically do not thank you, Sprint Corporation. Last night your service rep told me that I'd be able to use my new LG Rumor Touch(tm) today, if I called you and gave you the phone's serial number. Alas, that was a lie. Today I am told that I'll be able to use my new LG Rumor Touch(tm) in, maybe, 48 more hours, if I'm available if and when your service rep phones me back. I made certain to mention to your service rep that I live in the Pacific Time Zone and not in New Delhi where your call center resides, so she or her proxy should take that into consideration on the off chance she or her proxy is actually going to phone me and let me know that my phone can be switched. Of course, she or her proxy will call me on my current phone and ask me to call her back on a different phone, and of course my cell phone is my only phone, but I'm sure that somehow I'll manage. Because, as I say, the new LG Rumor Touch(tm) looks like quite the rocking machine and I'll be pleased as Punch, no doubt, to use all its features once you knuckleheads manage to actually switch it on in your infinite wisdom. Season's Greetings, Sprint Corporation, and don't forget that you're already billing me for my upgraded plan even though I can't actually use the upgrades yet.

Also, you have got to tell your service reps to stop saying, "But don't worry!" every time they tell me there will be more delays to my service. Really, just stop it.


  1. It is a really cool phone. I'm sure this story will have a happy ending. But for now, I'm in the second act and not loving it.

  2. My mother once began speaking in Hindi to her tech support person. After a couple of attempts to pretend he was in Ohio, he gave up and had a long conversation with her in Hindi about god knows what. To my knowledge, it didn't help her get her computer working any faster, but she did enjoy the service call much more than one usually does.

  3. That was great. Now let's try it one more time, but with sarcasm.

    I just upgraded to an LG Vortex, but on Verizon. Not too bad an experience, except I can't type for shit on the touchscreen and the notifications keep going off even though I can't figure out what the hell it's notifying me about.

  4. Things may not be going well now, but don't worry! I can't tell you why not to worry. Just don't worry!

  5. I had a plumber slated to come to my house, and the company receptionist called me every fifteen minutes to tell me that the plumber wasn't coming yet. She would call back when he was on his way. Four calls later, all the same ("he's not on his way yet but we're working on it!") I was ready to unplug the phone but luckily on the 5th call he *was* on his way. So there is under-service, and there is the equally obnoxious over-service.

    Good luck with the new phone!

  6. Tara: That's really funny. Even if your mother didn't get anything from the call as a customer, it sounds like it was a nice human interaction. The problem with most business communication is that neither party treats the other as a real live person; we are both just problems to be dealt with and then discarded. It's so "just business; nothing personal" that it's almost not human anymore. Which, I'm sure, is why Sprint tells their reps to keep saying "but don't worry!"

    Rick: Sarcasm? What's that?


    Alex: That's just weird. It's almost like those servers in restaurants who hover near your table and constantly ask if you need anything else. "Just privacy enough to eat!"

    It's a really cool phone. If only it was hooked up to the international telecommunications satellite network. Sigh. It has a camera and the internets and everything.

  7. So is there a happy ending yet? Adam has a cool techie phone. I checked my email yesterday while we were out all day. Very convenient. :)

  8. Michelle: I just spent 35 minutes on the phone with them. This was my fourth call to resolve this problem. They are sending me a new phone; we'll see how that works out. The whole thing gives me a headache.