Friday, July 8, 2011

The Noumenon Diet

From: The Librarian
Sent: Friday, July 08, 2011 10:33 AM
To: Scott Bailey
Subject: lunch?

Lunch?

Lunch at Saigon Deli?

Lunch at Hillside Quickie? (A word about this place: probably the most distinctive sandwiches in town, but very greasy and usually I leave with a ~slightly~ upset stomach -- but it's worth it, in my opinion. Oh, and it's 100% vegan. It's a place you either love or hate.)

From: Scott Bailey
Sent: Friday, July 08, 2011 10:39 AM
To: The Librarian
Subject: lunch?

Yes! If after 12:15. I am intrigued by "the most distinctive sandwiches in town." That's a phrase which could mean nearly anything. Greasy is good.

From: The Librarian
Sent: Friday, July 08, 2011 11:17 AM
To: Scott Bailey
Subject: RE: lunch?

Their website has accurate photos of these "distinctive sandwiches."

As for the name, "Hillside Quickie," well, in the world of phenomena, just forget the quickie part, as this place takes a very long time to produce a sandwich. The stoners that work there appear to be straddling a noumenon of some sort, and it slows them down, I don't think they realize...

From: Scott Bailey
Sent: Friday, July 08, 2011 11:21 AM
To: The Librarian
Subject: lunch?

Speed is relative, of course. Possibly the noumenal world doesn't contain linear time and it only appears as if the stoners at HQ move slowly. We have only our sense data, which we cannot trust, but perhaps our speculative reason allows us to postulate a noumenal wherein we have already eaten lunch. My stomach argues against the idea. "That Kant be true," it says.

From: The Librarian
Sent: Friday, July 08, 2011 11:32 AM
To: Scott Bailey
Subject: RE: lunch?

I think we have uncovered a get-rich scheme: the new diet craze: The Noumenon Diet. Inhabit the world where you are not hungry. You make the world yourself. If someone fails and finds him or her self eating a quart of ice cream, it's his/her own fault. This will leave them guilty and crawling back for more. We will have them hooked. We will purchase waterfront property and buy jet skis, home theaters and Audi automobiles etc etc.

From: Scott Bailey
Sent: Friday, July 08, 2011 11:42 AM
To: The Librarian
Subject: lunch?

There is not a single flaw in that plan. We will rule everything. I'm hungry now. Is that a failure of my reasoning?

2 comments:

  1. Tehehehe. So, did you get a sandwich? Was it greasy? Did it take forever?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lunch is happening today! I'll report back on the swiftness and greasiness of the cuisine. If we don't like the food, the Librarian and I have only ourselves to blame.

    ReplyDelete